Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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