i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
