What a fucking waste of an outfit
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
