$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
