For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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