I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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