The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
