Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
