I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it's great music for shaving your balls
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
