Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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