Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
