I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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