..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
