Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize