we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
