you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
