Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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