I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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