i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
