just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
