you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
