Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
