can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
