I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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