Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
