***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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