I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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