I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
