yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
