sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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