There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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