Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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