I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
