I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
