He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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