If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
