One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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