You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
