2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
