at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
