if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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