There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
