You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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