it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
