Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
