Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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