How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
