So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
