i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
