remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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