Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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