Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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