Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
