I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
