Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
