She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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