making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
