Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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