Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
