you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I need mimosas to revive my soul
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
