It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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