His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
