I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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