Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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