What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize