I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
