I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
