Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
