I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize