you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
