at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
