All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
