No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
