so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize