Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
