spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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