is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
