he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
