his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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