We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize