hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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