i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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