so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize