and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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