Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
this hospital has no fireball
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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