He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
