There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
