I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
