come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize