I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
