New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
