Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow

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(309): View more from Illinois

I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.

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(850): View more from Florida

We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.

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(815): View more from Illinois

When did angry sex become our thing?

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(905): View more from Ontario

He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK

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