A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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